last day of being 24

in 3 hours EST, I will officially be 25. Remember how old that sounded when we were little, or even younger. 25 was old, and tomorrow, I will be that age. by the transitive property, that means that i will be old. 1 quarter of a century. my 1/4 of my life has probably passed. I want to live to be 100. Pretty solid number. The US has a pretty low life expectancy, so i guess ill have to age in Japan- apparently eating live/raw fish keeps you alive longer? Do not know. I remember turning 19. I wrote over and over in the minutes b4 turning 19, "I am 18 years old, I am 18 years old." I have fear of time escaping me and as I get older, I feel more and more doors are closing. Like when you were little, everything was possible. But now I will never be a major league football player, a ballerina, not that i want to be, but the point is, the option isnt there anymore. I have such an issue with a life unlived, and growing old and being bitter because I didnt do all the things i wanted. However, I know I'm living part of my dream now. Im in New york city. Even though work is just work, as a shuffle in the cold to the subway to be a part of the huddled masses on the R train and then the L, I look around and I see the empire mothafuckin state building. more than I can say for VB. So I know im living, but you know me, I just want to squeeze the shit out of life, and live very deliberately.

alright im done with the thoughtful notes on turning 25-mid 20s. I know in the grand scheme of things im still a baby, and i know 30+ year olds would roll their eyes if i had any 30 year old old hag for friends that would read this! obviously joking. If I feel depressed in the future, I'll just keep watching my episodes of sex and the city and then Golden girls- they are all older and ALL just kickin it!